OF CONFUSIONS and DILEMMAS

It took an awful lot of time for this post to materialise for not so important reasons....
Well "creative" things require peace of mind, which was nowhere to be found among the dense mist which had covered even the gleam of sunshine!!!! Its the mist of confussions and dilemmas, its a situation when one sees question marks everywhere....and trust me they are EVERYWHERE!!

? ....This big question mark is called JOB.....after slogging "hard"(given my lazy standards) for 1 year and 3 months( still 5 months to go) in an institute, am getting desperate to pocket a job but the question mark over my, yet to start and will be fabulous, carreer is still hanging! The companies visiting the campus are not anything to write about........ offering decreasing pay packages one after the another(with one company even offering 1.2 lacs p.a....some one joked that it would put us even below the taxable slab). So for the time being its like a never ending wait for the one offer that would hopefully open gates to success.
Its a time when a commoner feels when one should stop asking money from one's parents( who have patiently waited and supported me all these years)....and it feels bad to ask for more...(sense of responsibility creeping in...maybe).
I want to spend some romantic time with Mishti but in todays world romance too comes with a price tag.....as we need to shell out sacks of coins to spend some half an hour in CCD. Thus money do matter in this harsh materialistic world....and given my already explained situation its another ?

On top of it, I, for the first time, in my, more than 5 years "exile", I am missing home, I am missing dadu who is 99 not out...and approaching his century next year(he still remembers old memories and is strong enough to do his own work himself...not long ago he would also visit Post office for managing his account),I am missing baba, missing watching him sincerely and seriously work hard even at this age for our better future(which should have been my responsibility....just pray to god gimme even the half of the sincerity and seriousness towrads work and I will reach stars), missing his mischivious jokes( to tease maa (with me giving company in teasing) when he's in a jovial mood), missing the excitement on his face when one praises the delicious food cooked by him(Cooking is a hobby). And I am missing maa without whom my life seems colourless(sorry maa for hurting you on countless occassions), I miss her care, her scolding, her lessons, her advice, her understanding, her everything when she is not here with me.........ya...how can I forget the dishes she prepares only for her only son( no one can match maa's dishes as she adds the unique ingredient that can't be found in any food prepared by any chef in this world..that is...her love)............So another ?
Finally, the boat of my rock solid relation is swinging amidst confused waters due to repercussions of all these things.............= ?

The searchlight is on and the path will be found soon coz I know that it is this optimism which will see me through this misty period of confusions and dilemmas......
and the optimism is derived from the strength generated from the hopes of all the precious people standing beside me!!!