OF CONFUSIONS and DILEMMAS

It took an awful lot of time for this post to materialise for not so important reasons....
Well "creative" things require peace of mind, which was nowhere to be found among the dense mist which had covered even the gleam of sunshine!!!! Its the mist of confussions and dilemmas, its a situation when one sees question marks everywhere....and trust me they are EVERYWHERE!!

? ....This big question mark is called JOB.....after slogging "hard"(given my lazy standards) for 1 year and 3 months( still 5 months to go) in an institute, am getting desperate to pocket a job but the question mark over my, yet to start and will be fabulous, carreer is still hanging! The companies visiting the campus are not anything to write about........ offering decreasing pay packages one after the another(with one company even offering 1.2 lacs p.a....some one joked that it would put us even below the taxable slab). So for the time being its like a never ending wait for the one offer that would hopefully open gates to success.
Its a time when a commoner feels when one should stop asking money from one's parents( who have patiently waited and supported me all these years)....and it feels bad to ask for more...(sense of responsibility creeping in...maybe).
I want to spend some romantic time with Mishti but in todays world romance too comes with a price tag.....as we need to shell out sacks of coins to spend some half an hour in CCD. Thus money do matter in this harsh materialistic world....and given my already explained situation its another ?

On top of it, I, for the first time, in my, more than 5 years "exile", I am missing home, I am missing dadu who is 99 not out...and approaching his century next year(he still remembers old memories and is strong enough to do his own work himself...not long ago he would also visit Post office for managing his account),I am missing baba, missing watching him sincerely and seriously work hard even at this age for our better future(which should have been my responsibility....just pray to god gimme even the half of the sincerity and seriousness towrads work and I will reach stars), missing his mischivious jokes( to tease maa (with me giving company in teasing) when he's in a jovial mood), missing the excitement on his face when one praises the delicious food cooked by him(Cooking is a hobby). And I am missing maa without whom my life seems colourless(sorry maa for hurting you on countless occassions), I miss her care, her scolding, her lessons, her advice, her understanding, her everything when she is not here with me.........ya...how can I forget the dishes she prepares only for her only son( no one can match maa's dishes as she adds the unique ingredient that can't be found in any food prepared by any chef in this world..that is...her love)............So another ?
Finally, the boat of my rock solid relation is swinging amidst confused waters due to repercussions of all these things.............= ?

The searchlight is on and the path will be found soon coz I know that it is this optimism which will see me through this misty period of confusions and dilemmas......
and the optimism is derived from the strength generated from the hopes of all the precious people standing beside me!!!

Waiting for ONE STEP UP

LONG time.....and no work.....!!! actually long time ..no post...as I was engaged and m still engaged and hope to be engaged till 10th of july in compiling my project report....(dont panic....I wont post it here!) :) But due to the increasing demands of my "readers" to write more :) and the numorous comments(only 1...n thank you didibhai for that) m BACK! Today was "THE END" of my vacation and my college reopens 2morrow...good that God decided to pull brakes on the unbearable heat atleast for now.

Well, though m not excited about the same ol "9:30 to 5:30" routine starting from tomorrow but still am discovering a new joy in it. Not jus coz college is now synonymous with "dating place" for me...and not jus coz am gonna meet my colleges fellas after a break of 3 months....and certainly not coz I missed my studies. My joy is partially contributed by the fact that now I realize that I stand at a juncture where I only have 1 academic year left in my career; Ya if all goes well(our economy recovers from the dreadful slowdown it experienced in recent past) and if God doesnt have any more surprises/upsets in store for me....then the "padhai" phase will be over for me once and for all......The phase started when I was a small kid of 4 yrs old...and after studying in a long list of schools and two colleges(under and post graduate)....in addition to hours of private tution....and not to forget tiring spells of studies at home....with brickbats from maa....(and got literally numerous "pitai"s and scoldings for my lack of seriousness and sincerity and concentration and dedication etc etc etc for my studies)

Flashback-
Maa- Tut........., porooooooo.....porooooooooooooo....poray faki marbe naa.......Maa, thanks for those coz without those I wouldnt even have reached this position...I miss your "poro" shouts now, seriously!!

......I am GLAD that the long phase is gonna be over soon!!!!

The another aspect of my new found joy is the realisation that the end of one phase marks the begining of the second phase.The second phase which is supposed to reap the benefits of the seeds sown in the first. This is the phase where for the first time in my not so long life, I will be earning moolahs and not spending 'em. Well, just not that.....its about entering a totally new arena...where there is professionalism, performance, motivation, reward, politics, teamwork, leadership...and offcourse competitiveness. Its a phase where I will get to understand where I stand in the crowd of 1.17 billion(as of july 2009) people.....It is where I get to know my worth....n where there is new challenge and opportunity hidden at each stride....and it is the phase which will enable me to prepare for the next big leap....the 3rd phase of my life.......and well, it is how the chapters of the phase unfolds, that will decide whether I will be able to materialise all my dreams or not. Sorry for being poetic, but cant help coz the excitement of earning on my own, standing on my feet, gifting my maa and baba with my first salary, and of being considered as a responsible man(it is widely believed that only when a boy starts earning he becomes "reponsible" and suddenly he is not a lil boy anymore). Waiting for all that......but its said man proposes, God disposes! The almighty is the one who will decide that my face will be :) or :( after the passage of one year........till then looking forward to one last year of my "padhai" phase !!!!!

n ya......dont forget to pray for me....coz you all know that my face dont look good when its like :(

WILL NOT FIZZ OUT....

This post is not bout the elections or bout any city or bout any offices. Its now bout me(Talking bout myself is boring, I know but actually its time to introspect)

The motive behind this introspection is.....my pathetic result in my 3rd sem exam....well, jus managed 3.1 out of 4.33...pretty decent by some colleges' standards but pretty poor,infact poor is an under statement according to my college(where a toper gets 4.33)!!! So like the NDA m also into the "what went wrong" mode...where did I lose the plot? I guess it was in mid-term when our private residence was turned into a public one courtesy : my once upon a time class mate n her mom n her frnd n not to forget her frnd's boyfrnd n the events that followed surrounding them(those events can surely make a very good post themselves)! I dint fared well in mid terms n I guess thats where I lost it....my boat had been hit hard by the decieving iceberg and with the aid of some poor presentations, sloppy unproffesional project reports, my "evergreen"CooL(You can spell it FooL) approach, laziness towards study.....the last nail in my coffin was hit....I tried hard in the end-terms but Alas..dint click! Newaz...enough of the blame-game.
I know I m better than this..I know I m better than many who surpassed me this time..but these are useless words....so its better to SHUT UP...thats what I guess I am good at.....even in b.tech wen guys wer running away with job offers.....I was there with my mouth, ear, everything shut up.....and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not this time.........I cant afford to repeat the same....not at any cost...I know the consequences--- NO JOB == NO MONEY == DARK FUTURE == NO Mishti == NO LIFE....
This post is not just an introspection but its a reminder of the past n determination for the future...the future that every commoner hopes to build....n which could turn into ashes with my negligent approach...
So time to buckle up.....I cant change what has happened but surely can shape whats about to happen...n tell you the fire this time wont fizz out..........

Office-Office

Back to blogging after a few days...the reason being the tale of my lappy n the **************** watever virus! The stars dont really reflect the volume of my anger, n if i try to show how much the ***************** virus irritated me,then the whole post will be full of stars(lik sum of our shows are turning into "BEEEEEEEEP" shows!!)

Newaz....my project took me to the adventuruous visit to the State GOVT offices...in search of some info as I mentioned before.

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Scene 1: Tuesday, 12th May 09 morning, Agni-shavan vibhag:(hindi is the one and only language)

As soon as one enters, one wonders in which era one is living? Well, wasnt this supposed to be the computer age? Well guess not...not atleast according to them coz the person whom I went to meet was found on the opposite side of a huge pile of files that was obstructing the vision! Files which weighed I dont know how many kilos.....(You can surely workout using those...n can be rest assured that within 30 days you will have biceps, triceps,....forceps,....n what not!)

"Abhi hum vyasth hai shaam ko aana" Well, i can understand it takes time to lower down the pile so that atleast he can see with whom he is talkin :P

Scene2: Tuesday, 12th May 09 morning, grameen vikaas vibhag :

This office didnt seem like the usual state govt office. The place was tidy, floor was build of tiles, there were cabins, not sure of the rural development but its office has surely developed a lot!!

Peeping into the cabin I found the person licking an ice-cream with utmost pleasure. So, I waited n I waited n I waited....BTW, forgot to mention... the avg waiting time in govt offices is 1 n haf to 2hrs....but thankgod ice-creams dont last that long.....after hearing my story he asked me to go n meet a person who in turn directed me to another person who is incharge of procurement. Here is what he had to say when I asked about the employee strength--- "Sarkari jankari hai, aise kaise de de". For one moment I felt as if I was an ISI agent asking for NSG's employee strength! So I bid adieu n proceeded towards my next destination...

Scene 3: Tuesday, 12th May 09 afternoon, Bhoomi Sanrakshan vibhag:

This place was a commonplace state govt office...with gutkha coloured walls, the red coloured walls compeled me to think whether gutkha helps in soil conservation...i mean..is it a soil fertilizer or something? Newaz...a board hanging outside the room told me that meeting time was from 3 to 4pm.....
At the specified time, the commoner found the door bolted from outside, on clarification was told that "sir" was taking an afternoon nap....checked the board again! Did I see something wrong on the board....meeting time or sleeping time?

Scene 4: Tuesday, 12th May 09 evening,Sankhyani(statics) vibhag:

This office was advanced and hi-tech than the rest, as it had 3 computers! One person was playing spider solitaire on one of 'em..while the other computers were used by "computer operators" specially hired for working in the system.....a man, sat beside the operator who dictatated what is required to do.......In this period of cost-cutting keeping 2 man for a job..thats quiet an achievement...n like this only we can solve the problem of unemployment for our ever-growing population!!

Scene1(back to): Tuesday,12th May 09 "shaam", Agni-shavan vibhag:

NO....I cant see his face even now..so the same message came to the ears- "abhi hum vyasth hai, subah ko aana"!! I dont know when this vicious circle is gonna end...but I must keep trying...

N thats what m doing!

Its not that each person was rude, not that every thing was mismanaged, not that I came back empty handed from each place but someone said rightly...that if one gets one negative among the positives he's bound to recall the negative....n give feedback according to that! No, m not complaining...actually its becoz of the negatives that one finds the trip adventuruous and something to write for.......

Given the sorry state of state govt offices and given the rank of the state(it features in the 2nd spot in the ranking of states only when you turn the list upside down)..........
...........well, our beloved sisterji can surely spare a thought or two....n then continue with her priministerial aspirations!!!

JAAGO RE!

30th was the election day in this city......means a day off from office....means time to recharge our diminishing batteries by catching on some XTRA hours of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!! Its better to sleep before the man starts yelling----

"Hello..aap so kyu rahe hai?"

Naah....m not promoting the "jaago re" campaign out here....but the AD made me curious as to whom they wana wake?

The voters????? I think they all are wide awake, as can be seen from the decreasing number of turnouts in votes!! Yeah heard it right...we are awake coz we chose to sleep instead of voting! A news flashed recently informing that in a village hundreds of people chose to skip votes as their candidate dint keep a single promise he made(they should understand that promises are made to be broken.......if those are made b4 elections)! So votes has become the time for "Bhaago Re" instead of "Jaago Re" for people...... :P

Lets analyse like they do in management: The what, why and who of voting!

What to vote for: Well I dont think there's anything left to vote for!! We have been doing the same for the past, I dont know how many years...n hoping against hope that the thing will look brighter the next time!!! But "the desired" next is out of sight......And each "real" next is just a replica of the past!

The tug of war for the chair has resulted in the ouster of corporates from some states. Just hoping that they dont start running out of our country!

Why to vote? :: Coz its our right! So are other rights which are denied by our so called "leaders". Leaders??? Can we call 'em Leaders? Each of 'em having assets more than the other...and...each of 'em neck deep in the ocean of crime!(yeah I am generalising...coz thats what you do when the good ones are exceptions) No, but they are not the ones to blame for...for being an engineer you need to crack IIT, for being MBBS its PMT, IAS and IPS requires tremendous dedication...even "my" CAT is not a cakewalk!! But for being an MP....there's total freedom.....

Whom to vote for::: Now, this is the toughest! Whom to vote? Whom do you choose to represent India? When we have several options even for selecting our ringtones and dialer tones...in that era...I must admit we dont have much option for the PM! When world says that the future is India as the majority of Indian population is young then why do we always see an old man in the job? (Man, leave Obama n Sarkozy even Zardari looks smarter in front of our lot of leaders) Now, lets look at the options---

1st is a man who is really qualified and respected for his knowledge. Though he's sometimes alleged to be a pupet in the show(I neither see any spark in his leadership nor see OBAMA-tic charisma in his speech) but due to no other "good enough" option...its better to have him!( a compromise situation)

2nd is a man...dubbed as "STRONG"(Mazboot) by his party...n yeah they are right!! He's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo strong that he had demolished a whole mosque not long ago! I really dont know whether this strong man can build(opposite of demolition) a decisive govt!

The 3rd scenario is the coolest where there is a musical chair competition for the post of PM...and the scenario is such that even the Lalita-Pawars can be the PM.....The didis n behenjis cant be ruled out either!

N this post is just a "trailer" of the whole scenario, in SRK's words.."picture abhi baki hai mere dost"! The whole picture cant be presented in this small modest post....but the question is- given the present political situation what do you think..

Who needs the wake up call??? We, the voters or the politicians?

LUCK + NOW

The city that is my home for this 2 months is called Nawabo ka shehar. The place has very rich historical background..with many imambaras, thats what I have heard coz firstly my time n secondly the scorching sun(which evaporates every wish to explore the city) hasnt permitted me to investigate the truth. As you have already got till now(and if you havnt got it still, ask behenji) I am residing in the capital of UP. Its christined LUCKNOW(LAKHNOU, pronounced in hindi) who knows why but I know one thing for sure that the LUCK of having a single drop of rain has deserted it atleast for NOW!!!



Yeah.........its 2 hot........bohot garmi hai........khub gorom ekhane........bohut gorom iyat......



You must have got the idea what the mercury meter must be showing and the sun is showing no mercy. As it wasnt enough, here comes the "BREAKING NEWS"(as our pathetic news channel calls every piece of news even if it is a week old news)-->>

The new project requires this commoner to explore the city in search of some data( as bedouins search 4 water)!
Newaz...enough of weather report..coming to people, people here still have hearts( which is one thing that has become very scarce in people of many other places), they are very helpful and caring, very well spoken(commonly used word for addressing is "aap")...jus think of a guy giving 10rs to a handicap begger or a shopkeeper coming out of his shop to show directions to an unknown or our landlord aunty giving us chole bhature or tea or sometimes watermelon or nimbu pani(wen i had a stomach upset)!
This is the first time my LUCK brought me here. Peeping back in the past I can recall only one incident which untill NOW(when m here physically) was my closest encounter with the city:
Flashback- Baba is going on an official tour to Lucknow, before leaving maa said- "Dont forget to bring the Lucknow chicken!"
AFTER THE TOUR-----
Even before Baba entered our door, my voice asked- "where is the chicken?"
(and then to my utter disappointment and after such a long wait, I was told that Lucknow Chikan was a specific type of famous fibre material...n maa had asked baba to bring a Lucknow Chikan saree)
The huge bill-boards of LUCKNOW chikan still tease me and remind me of the incident! That is the connection I have with the city!
Roads are OK. The whole city can be easily bifurcated into 2 distinguishing parts, one that is comparitively newly developed...is planned and well maintained and the other part is the old LUCKNOW which has the familiar scenes of any other old city of India. The newer part has an area called Gomti-Nagar(as River Gomti, a tributary of the Ganges, flows through the city) which has many sectors called "khands"(parts).....n the funny part is that every khand starts with V. U have Virat khand, Vishal Khand, Vinay Khand, Vipul Khand, Viram Khand, Vibhuti Khand, Vibhav Khand, Vikas Khand, Vishesh Khand, Vineet Khand...and the list goes on...(For naming a new "khand" they should conduct a competition, i suggest!) while the older part of the city has areas ending mostly with"bagh" as Charbagh(railway station), Alibagh, Aishbagh.....
Well, this is the knowledge that my modest IQ has of the place till now......

Still a month 2 go.....so maybe will learn more n will write more...
UFFFFFFFFFFFFF its tooo hot and for the time being, cant write anymore!
Well frnz....
I am sitting in the room surrounded by modern gadgets which strived to make human life more luxurious(most of which were fools' imagination not long ago when me, baba, maa, dadu and amma all used to sit in front of our antique TV to watch the RAMAYANA on sundays). I am under the ceiling fan rotating at its fullest speed, have a cooler plugged in... which is serving cool air, have a TV showing the IPL2 extravaganza and hundreds of channels to select from, have a thing called mobile to talk to anyone anytime from anywhere, my lap is occupied by my lappy which is giving access to the net world...still m complaining!
coz humans can never be satisfied.........n neither can I as m jus a common human being!!
:)

Aivein....

"Ahem Ahem...." -like you people hear many famous singers doing in stage before they mesmerize the crowd with their popular numbers! But sorry, m not going to sing(thank god, coz that needs chewing off quite a few nails...ya, thats the thing m supposed not to do but like the determination of the spider which goes on trying and trying even after so many falls....m addicted to it)
Flashback- maa-"Tut.., I have told you so many times, still kan e kichu dhoke naa!"
baba-"O dont do that!!!", with big big eyes(Though i must admit that dad doesnt look scary in those big eyes...this look is mom's copyright.....dad's angry look is brows knit together....n I know that happens automatically as in my mom's words "I am jr. Sanjay"!!!)
Time has ticked but still m the same...jus the person and the style of saying has changed.....
mishti- "ek baar kaho to tumhe samaj nai aata!! stop doing that, it doesnt look good!"
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So, after all this drame-bazi I am starting my blog. But, Why? Well, thats a question...a real good question....(a good question is one which is un-answerable) !!!
still am providing some options(as if am the great BIG B giving you options in your quest for 1 crore[may be I should say Slumdog....as now its more popular than the indian clone of whu wants to be millionaire]) ---
1. B for Blog is for B for Bekaars(cant claim that title now as rite now m engaged in d a project of hugely popular car as a summer trainee......summer training is basically a good HR tool of extracting effort from efficient workers without ANY COST)
2. Was inspired from the latest trend of blogging(specially wen blog world is been invaded and conquered by already famous celebs as if they dint get enuff limelight b4......and latest by the celeb blogger "FAKEIPLPLAYER")
3. Always got good marks in english w/o any effort.....(which may not reflect in my writing here)
Flashback- baba once said- "wen u can score good marks in english effortlessly, why dont u take up B.A in eng?" (NOOOOO man, i dint do badly in science subjects as u may have been gettin the idea......)
4. I liked reading a lot........(though mostly read detective stories only) and
writing a lot(though jus wrote a short story once....[actually, that was a mode of fake-study! ya, in std 11, i wrote the story pretending to be studying physics(one reason why i managed jus 54 in 12th), but that story was writen in the back of a notebook...whose talash is still on in the gumshuda talash kendra!!!]
5. Coz after seeing some of my love-poems mishti says I should write(actually she is like this only, she likes even my singing which my mom( a trained singer) dismisses as besura.
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WELL THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IS THE COMMONLY USED WORD IN NORTH INDIA AND WHICH BY co-incidence IS THE TITLE OF THE POST-->>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AIVEIN!!! :)